short funny affirmations

2. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 197. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Because he was always spotted. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 155. 16. 164. What is Mozart doing right now? 5. "You have to be odd to be number one.". Ensure that your actions match your words. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Best friends eat your food. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Pat Sajak, 41. I release all shame about my body. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 46. Art doesnt transform. 121. 2. 111. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. Billy Wilder. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? 41. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 137. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 242. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. 92. 193. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know It takes so little to change your life! Ive made it from the bed to the couch. 154. 185. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Microchips. 161. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Never judge a book by its movie. 110. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. I am adventurous. Swimming trunks. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 135. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. My mood swings keep life interesting. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? 71. 7. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. 226. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Ted Turner. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 48. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 88. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 16. We have a connection. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Love your enemies. Shoot for the moon. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Flip Wilson, 263. I can create positive change in the world. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 153. You can't wait for inspiration. God has never abandoned me. Funny Affirmations. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Not everyone has good taste., 3. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. Short Funny Affirmations. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. 48. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. 33. 274. Never take life seriously. 26. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 217. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Albert Einstein Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Exercise? 211. 66. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. 62. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 222. Roy Lichtenstein You deserve it! 32. Theres no stopping me now. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. 215. 63. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 74. I am fine. Jackie Collins If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 265. 200. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. no rich foods. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 219. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. 57. 210. 53. Steven Wright, 252. 25. I wish my wallet came with free refills. 139. It has nothing new to tell you. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Is it perfect? 52. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. Its a door, thats how they work. - Donald Trump. - George Burns. Hes dreaming too. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 211. With time, I have started to value more time. A gummy bear. Henny Youngman, 246. happy. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Bill Murray. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 264. Im not insulting you. 44. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. When they go away, its a brighter day. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Why cant you trust an atom? 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. 68. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. How do trees access the internet? Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. But then again so does . 221. Love your enemies. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Don't forget to be awesome. Paul Ehrlich It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Leave me a if you agree! You can only be young once. 201. I am on a seafood diet. 4. 159. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. I am happy and joyful. 227. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 8. 84. 180. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. 12. - TS Eliot. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. 114. 30. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. 275. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Franklin Jones, 259. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. I am constantly growing and improving. I am too lazy to be lazy. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. 126. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 140. 197. Why was six scared of seven? Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 177. 109. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . Sam Levenson. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. 40. They planet. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Your words become your actions. 9. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Youre not tequila., 5. 148. 138. Benjamin Franklin. 84. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. How do trees access the internet? What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? I dont think thats a coincidence. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 228. 192. 162. The best things in life are free. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. Life begins on Friday night. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. George Burns, 253. Why did the school kids eat their homework? In between, I am alive. 60. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. I am strong and getting stronger every day. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 118. You can only be young once. You cant have everything, where would you put it? How do astronomers organize a party? I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Emphasis on the cool. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first.

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