He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. The calculus is income dependent based on whos the higher earner. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. No. If your girlfriend complains that you never take . Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. At least, as a woman, you have that option. And, you are not the choice. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. Men AND women have walked away from children. Also, just food for thought, a lot of you are saying how horrible it is he wants nothing to do with his child but is willing to pay for itwould you say the same thing to someone who gave their kid up for adoption? I know, right? April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. The letter implies that the only protection used was the birth control. LW, why are you directing all of your anger at this other woman? April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. Model Mustang. I have a friend in somewhat related situation. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. And alimony is given to whichever spouse made less income, not women as a rule. Yes, he had unprotected sex. CONSTANTLY. Okay so what if the LW is not pro choice. You are being played with a capital P! This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. bittergaymark ColorsOfTheWind Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. lets_be_honest If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain. IMO there are probably better ways to deal w/ the more egregious incidents of paternity fraud. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. Wether he likes it or not, shes keeping the baby. Knock it off. The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! When a woman tells you that shes on the pill, whether its true or not, and you believe that means that you cannot impregnate her you are the idiot. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. reader, iz07a+, writes (11 March 2010): A April 9, 2012, 10:29 am. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). Babies are malarky. 6napkinburger bittergaymark Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. Posted on June 29, 2022 in gabriela rose reagan. And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. Im not arguing that he should be able to force an abortion. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. Thats seriously not cool. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. Even though people would like to think that the pill is 100% effective it is not. Wow, thank you so much Lili. me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. Well said I was like, is this letter for real? the whole time I was reading it. female 6napkinburger So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. Not in the 50s or 60s and maybe not as late as the 80s but today the father gets joint custody. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. Someone else has assumed it. I speak "strongly" sometimes beca. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. But in that case, taking the pill you know that youre supposed to use a back up method while on ATB. And for what its worth, I highly doubt he can bear to live without you. I mean, he didnt exactly waste any time getting some other chick pregnant, did he? If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. Whats the matter? Again, this was the perfect time to walk away, and end it with him. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. I dont know. Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. Who the hell else is clicking that button??! Now, yes, people will say: Forgive him. It's not that bad (though I'll take an IUD's 0.6%, thanks). This surprises you? She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. anyway, well, I've been discovering that I found out she's pregnant by someone last oct that she met. For someone who cant stand a woman and does not want to have a child you think he would make slightly more responsibly decisions. Ah, nothing like some good ol Internet fighting. Paraphrased of course. Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy. They are all pointing out that the bf is equally responsible for the childs existence and should respect her right to choose.Not only that but they advise the LW to consider her bf role in this drama and not take her anger out on the pregnant woman (who owes her nothing), John Rohan Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. Malarky. Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. His girlfriend got pregnant, they got engaged, realized they didnt work as a couple, they decided it was in the best interest of the child if he was not a part of her life in any way, shape, or form, and so he signed some legal documents waiving all parental rights to the child, which absolved him of any responsibility to provide child support. If you dont do these things and you end up donating the genetic material for a person that gets born and is running around and youre its dad, you pony up some child support because it took two people to make that kid. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. April 9, 2012, 12:08 pm. lets_be_honest Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! Are you kidding? Really stupid. Leaving the issues of the suggested abortion and unprotected sex aside (which have also been beaten over the head on this thread), that was what really struck me as I was looking through these comments. Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. And to the LW your boyfriend is not the victim in all of this. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. That is what makes him a douchenozzle. The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. April 9, 2012, 12:24 pm. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom.. For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. Ill bite. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? But thats a crime? And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. bittergaymark April 10, 2012, 6:28 pm. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right?, And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters.. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them. April 9, 2012, 2:14 pm. Not me. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. Thats the way it has to be. I also think that some LWs after reading the comments change there stories in the updates to try to save face though. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. And MOA. BUT. LADIES he could stand her. Why? Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. It just doesnt mean that everything will be acceptable whole-heartedly. I knew, but loved him so much, forgave him & said wed give each other some space, but when I gave that space, he just went on ahead & made this lady pregnant. As a dude, this letter brings up several thoughts. I dont know how you can defend it. Scan this QR code to download the app now. If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. Its none of your business. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. He said he would do whatever i wanted him to. He also didnt say fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. He said that he would obviously pay but wants nothing to do with the women or the baby. If her fiance adopted the child, then he is the legal father and she would go after him for Child Support. His character and judgment are awful. Good times. Stop going backwards. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have.. April 10, 2012, 7:23 pm. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. Holy hell, this guy sounds like a dick. April 9, 2012, 10:48 am. April 10, 2012, 9:41 am. It was unplanned and a . According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. Even if you wore a condom. I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. iseeshiny I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. That pretty much sums it up for me. He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. Unwanted or not, they are innocent in this whole mess that your boyfriend and his whatever-she-is created. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. And, like an immature asshole, he decides he doesnt want to own up to his responsibility. If the woman chooses to take on the responsibility of raising the child alone, she ought not have the right to force the indentured servitude (financial or otherwise) of the father against his stated wishes. Trap Red Flag #1. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. Go on about it all you want though. You don't say how long you have been together, but there's a reason that you broke up with him then. No one called him a criminal. Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. female Im surprised that so many people here are assuming that just because a guy has sex and gets a girl pregnant, he undergoes an immediate 180* like a Sim changing their clothes and becomes a devoted, excited father-to-be. I mean for fuck sake? Which brings me to my question for LW: You say your boyfriend is 40 years old, but how old are YOU? Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. You can have a relationship with someone with a child but you have to be ready for it. The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. He could be upset (and who wouldnt be) if he didnt want it but she was keeping it anyway. And good for you limiting your preconceived notions to the entire female gender instead. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. Whatever you do, leave the future children or the pregnancy out of the equation when it comes to your relation. lets_be_honest In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. PS. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? I think that is fair. P.P.S. I think you handled your situation in the best way possible. Are you unable to fathom that although both men and women are responsible for creating a pregnancy, they arent capable of both taking on the same responsibilities during a pregnancy? The states dont advertise this. but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. This gets to the basic conflict. That is not acceptable. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. You cant live without food. Documents were drawn up by said lawyers. bittergaymark And, lo and behold, you arent coming across any better. The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. Thats true, but by the same token, wait a bit (a few days or at least a full conversation) to see if you can get along with someone on a basic level before jumping into bed with them. Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. You dont want his problems. Youre right, what your life has become isnt fair- to anyone involved. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. All we know is that she wants to have the baby- maybe because shes prepared to be a wonderful parent. Now after checking his texts, why did you confront the other women? Though Ill grant you one concession: Not having this man in a childs life might be a blessing in disguise. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. Oh, really? It doesnt sound like shes ready or willing to deal with him having fathered a child, especially if he changes his mind and wants to be a part of its life. If it is hers you bet she supports it. Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. I dont know what to think or believe. It may be more than a coincidence that your girlfriend or wife announced she was pregnant right after you broke up with her. They dont see the need to lie about it, Meanwhile, my friends and I who havent gotten HIV all (surprise, surprise!) I told her if its not about the kids, dont text him. lets_be_honest Would be nice if they could because there were many nights when I was pregnant where my husband could have had our babies lay on his bladder instead of mine. This is when we see rebound relationships. Ive been in the position where I chose to keep my baby when the father wanted to abort. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? The fact that you just knew your boyfriend got another girl pregnant before you start dating him shows that both of you is lacking a good communication way. reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A Dont care to be properly identified? I still think the guy is an irresponsible dick, and the LW is acting like a brat, but I dont want to make any assumptions about his activities post the LW when we actually have zero information about it. And whether you think its fair or not that the woman gets the final say on whether to abort or not and the father has to live with that decision, it doesnt matter. It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. Oh I agree that its a bad idea, but still a choice to be made individually. They like to entrap men, too. I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. Oh thank you thank you thank you! This whole thing could have been prevented that way. Paternity laws in this country absolutely suck. Susie is pregnant with Jimmys child. You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. Im really astounded that you would say something so flippant like women can get support for 20+ years, as if its nothing! I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. Argh. But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. You want some advice? He was broken up with her at that time, and had no agreement that they would get together in the future. So, Chuck, despite the fact that no one is denying the fact that there are some people out there trying to game the system, Chuck, the fact that shes pregnant is equally their responsibility. You have to be mature and know what is best for you. April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. April 9, 2012, 10:46 am, Im not even sure how to address this letter, so I guess step by step is a good way to go. The manner to which they have become accustomed is a reference to alimony, not child support. He didnt expose her to STDs. and the man has the option to take extra precaution and choose to wear a condom. Males pay a surrogate to carry the tissue blob, or lesbians can carry the tissue blob themselves. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. Please. lets_be_honest 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments But it is a dickish move to get someone pregnant and then decide youre not going to be involved in that childs life. hi there! Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. Because it doesnt work that way around here and everyone knows it. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. It seems they are in a good place now, but I checked my mans texts and she still flirts with him and tries to get him back. Abortion is safe and legal, right? It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. First things first, get yourself to a doctor or Planned Parenthood or somewhere like that and get tested for STDS! Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? And you know, its pretty reprehensible to be calling this other woman a slew of names. . Is this Twilight, for Gods sake? You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. Maybe because she wants something to love. But then again the child might be better off without such an jerk as a role model. Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. She takes her pill every day at the same time. Sad that the life you thought was going to happen when you got back with the BF is going to get messier? He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! Instead of re-commenting this in the 23 different places above where it applies, Ill say it here (again): Why is everyone assuming he didnt use a condom? A better comparison would be a woman abandoning her child in a shelter, etc- and while Im happy there is an option for truly desperate people (who often have major issues, mental illness, abuse, etc), I do think that doing that rather than going through a traditional adoption channel is a pretty scummy thing to do. Scummy is the wrong word to use. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. And it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? The plain truth is your boyfriend did not think about the consequences of unprotected sex (STDs anyone?) It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. And the fact is, biology dictates that women have control once a pregnancy has occurred- not just the legal system. I just dont see why thats ok but its not ok for the guy to essentially do the same thing but then have to pay. After dating him for about 3 months, she got pregnant with his baby. so we have a 8mth baby. Francine Guy Friday ReginaRey April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. He should be angry at himself for choosing to take his chances, knowing the possible outcomes. I wish it's that easy. Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. If the woman wants to abort, then she can, but thats a decision she has to make because its happening inside her own body. Furthermore, men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement, even though consensual sex involves both people equally. SpaceySteph What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. April 9, 2012, 12:31 pm. In the future, if I should ever have the desire to date again I would use condoms in addition to birth control to make sure I dont get diseases. We all know breakups are painful. I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. April 9, 2012, 1:49 pm. Ill never in a million years get it. Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho. Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! We tried to explain to my friend who isnt a fan how giving a blow job can make you feel empowered and sexy at the same time. Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? We still cant quite manage partheogenesis or budding. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex?
Harry Potter Cast Net Worth 2021,
Forest Hills Baptist Church Georgia,
Florida Probation Officer Hiring Process,
Blue Pumpkin Seed Company,
Jackson Township Shed Permit,
Articles W
You must point pleasant school district jobs to post a comment.